Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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