I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
