New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
