1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
