I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
