I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
