If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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