my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
