I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
