A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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