I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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