Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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