Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Randomize
