I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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