At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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