She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
True strength comes from lack of pants
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
