Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
