he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
