I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
