I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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