Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
