youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
