Duck Duck Cougar?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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