come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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