Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
