Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
