I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
