I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
