I'm really into asian looking animals
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
