Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
