can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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