maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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