your room smells of hookers.
And success
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
