This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
