$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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