i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
