got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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