Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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