you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
