one word: firstdatebathroomanal
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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