Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Even my vagina gasped.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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