and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
People in love make me want to vomit
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
is this the sara with the beer cane?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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