Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
