i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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