if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
vagina is talking i cant
she pinky promised me she was 18
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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