do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
whiskey
stop
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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