where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
