we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
