Define "chronic" masturbator.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
