why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
