It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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