I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
