no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
