THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
