Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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