Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
