zippers are such a cool invention
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
